


All I Could Do

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7114285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They fell in love, quickly and easily, like they'd both been waiting their entire lives for the other.</p><p>Staying in love isn't always as easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Could Do

**Author's Note:**

> So uh, I met Darren Criss, back in late March, after a concert in Toronto. He told me to watch _The Last Five Years_ because I share a name with one of the characters, and so I did, and I couldn't get this idea out of my head. The title comes from the last song in the show, _I Could Never Rescue You._
> 
> It's fine if you haven't seen the movie -- though you should watch it! -- just pay attention to date stamps, I guess. This story isn't told linearly.

_August 2014_

“No, Rachel, it’s _over_ between me and Kurt,” Blaine says, slamming his cup of coffee a little too hard on the table. A little bit of coffee spills out of the top of the lid and along the side of the cup, staining over the Lima Bean logo.  “He’s moved on.”

Rachel just frowns at him over her own cup of coffee, a questioning look on her face.

“He’s just done with me,” he continues quietly, looking down at the lid of his coffee cup. He wishes he could look Rachel in the eye. “He won’t return my calls, and he still has – he still has his _life_ , you know?”

Before Rachel can argue with him about what he said, Blaine just lets out a short, sarcastic laugh. “What do I have?”

He knows what Rachel is going to say before she says it, and he can’t bear to really focus on her words anyway.

“New York was home,” Blaine continues, “and music – I can barely play anymore. I haven’t been able to touch my piano in months. I don’t think I’ve been able to play all the way through a song since it happened. It’s like something in me died.”

Rachel doesn’t say anything, and when Blaine looks up at her, the pity in her eyes makes him feel even worse.

“I just want this feeling to go away,” he sighs, “I want to be able to stop hurting and feel alive again. I _want_ to move on,” he tries, clenching his fists on the table trying to get the words to come out properly, “I miss him but I – I _want_ to be over him, but I’m not. I want to be okay.”

Rachel leans forward, grabbing Blaine’s hands with her own and squeezes tightly.

* * *

_June 2011_

Kurt freezes and he can feel the smile light up his entire face. He’s not sure if he even heard correctly – The Lima Bean was always pretty loud, especially with the end-of-school buzz in the air – but Blaine is looking at him, lazily and dazed, like Kurt’s the most perfect thing he’s ever seen.

“I love you too,” Kurt says, once he’s able to compose himself.

Blaine smiles more, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he reaches his hands across the table to hold Kurt’s. Kurt just squeezes a little tighter.

“I just can’t believe how lucky I am,” Kurt says, and he doesn’t care that they’re in public, that they’re in Ohio, he’s in love, he’s in love with the most perfect boy he’s ever met, and that boy loves him. “You’re incredible, Blaine. And being in New York – being there felt like being in love, and I can’t wait to share that with you.”

Blaine squeezes his hands a little tighter and Kurt’s stomach does backflips.

“It’s been quite a year,” Kurt continues, “I mean, everything with Karofsky and transferring to Dalton, transferring back – and you, meeting you. Everything was so horrible for so long and it feels like someone turned the volume back on, like I’m seeing in colour for the first time in – in a really long time.”

He tries to stop, he does, but it’s like a dam has broken inside of him. “You’re so perfect, Blaine,” and his face almost hurts with the force of the smile spread across it. “I just want to jump and dance and yell until everyone knows that I love you, I love you, I love you. I can’t believe I get to have this, Blaine. You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of.”

He’s pulled from his thoughts by Sam and Mercedes, who stop by quickly, they ran into each other in the parking lot or something but it doesn’t matter – nothing matters, nothing except Blaine.

Nothing except this perfect boy who is happy for him, who smiled and texted him throughout his entire trip to New York, even though New Directions going to Nationals meant that The Warblers couldn’t. This perfect boy in his adorable polo, who is smiling at him, who laughs with him.

Blaine tells Kurt that he loves him and Kurt can do _anything_.

* * *

_December 2013_

Blaine can do this.

He’s an _adult_ and he can do this, and it was – it was the right thing to do, anyway. It was a decision he and Kurt came to, together, and sure it hurts but that’s what being an adult is about, right?

Kurt didn’t _kick him out_.

No – things weren’t working, and they decided to take a step back. Well, not even really a step back – just a step. A different kind of step. They’re doing this for _them_.

And the casserole dish Blaine’s carrying up to the apartment for their Monday night potluck – the first one they’ve had since Blaine had moved out – feels heavy in his arms and he hasn’t seen Kurt in _days_ but it’s alright.

Blaine enters the apartment and sets the casserole dish down on the table, smiling as he pulls Kurt toward him.

“I love you,” he says, and maybe the words are heavier on his tongue than they have been in a while but he still feels them, and Kurt is here, Kurt is pressed against him, they’re together. He presses a quick kiss to his lips – they are in front of their friends, after all – and then pulls back, drinking in the sight of Kurt’s face after being apart for the longest they have been in months. “I love you, and I missed you.”

Kurt smiles back, kisses him back, then pulls away to finish setting the table.

And it’s instinct, two hours later, to grab the dishes from the table and bring them to Kurt in the kitchen. Just because most of his things aren’t in this building, just because they’re a 40-minute subway ride away and still not even really unpacked, doesn’t mean Blaine isn’t welcome here.

He sets the dishes down on the counter next to where Kurt is standing at the sink, washing them, then steps behind Kurt to wrap his arms around him from behind.

Kurt jumps, and drops the dish he was washing. It clatters loudly in the full sink, and Kurt pulls himself from Blaine’s arms.

And Kurt says something, but Blaine’s – he couldn’t have heard that right, right?

“You don’t want me to stay over?”

Kurt just looks at him and he almost looks _annoyed_ before he just sighs, looking sadly into Blaine’s eyes but Blaine can’t meet them.

“I _moved out_ , Kurt,” Blaine says, and it kind of feels like the whole kitchen is spinning around him. “You said you needed your space and I moved out. This was supposed to help things, so when we were together we could actually enjoy each others’ company. And it’s been days, it’s been almost a week and you look at me like I’m work to you, like it would kill you to spend some time with your _fucking fiance_.”

He can feel tears start to well up in his eyes and he hates this, he hates how impassive and stone-faced Kurt always looks when they fight and hates that it’s Blaine that’s always fighting back tears.

Kurt opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but Blaine cuts him off.

“You know what? I don’t want to hear it. You know this has been hard for me but you don’t care, and I don’t know how you can just stand there and –”

If he continues, he’s going to start crying for real, so he just gives an annoyed sigh, letting his arms fall to his sides and turns around.

He picks ups bag from next to the door – filled with clothes for the next day, his toothbrush, everything he would need – and leaves the apartment.

* * *

_May 2012_

When the letter arrives from NYADA it’s all Kurt can do not to scream and shout, rip open the envelope and know, finally _know_ if the risk he took with his audition had paid off.

Rachel had said something about _finding out together_ but he can’t do that to his dad; his dad was there when he opened the letter about his NYADA audition. His dad had been there to support his dream of performing in the first place, back when all he had wanted to do was sing Defying Gravity.

And it brought him luck last time, right?

They go back to the choir room, together, the same room where they had opened up the first NYADA letter.

His shaking hands can’t hold the letter for very long after he reads the first sentence, and the paper falls to the ground.

He hears his dad say his name, quietly, gently, soothingly – the implied message of _it’s okay, it’s okay that you didn’t get in,_ but –

“I’m going to New York,” Kurt says quietly. “I’m got in! I’m going to New York!”

Kurt’s dad lets out a triumphant yell, the scene overwhelmingly familiar as his dad wraps him up in his arms, congratulating him, crying even more than he had when Kurt found out he had an audition.

“I just can’t believe this,” Kurt says after his dad lets him go, crouching to the floor to pick up the letter. “I never thought I’d actually – this is less than six months away.”

Kurt starts crying too, now, and his dad steps back toward him with his hand on his shoulder, reminding Kurt that after all he’s been through, New York will be easy.

“It’s not that,” Kurt says, shaking his head. “All of it is just – I can’t believe I get to have this, dad. We’re going to _Nationals_ this year, and for once I think we really have a shot at winning. And I’m going to New York, I’m going to _New York_ in September, I’m going to the best performing arts school in the country, I’m –”

His dad cuts him off again with another hug, but Kurt’s thoughts are still swimming.

Since when is _he_ allowed to have all this?

Yet here he was – holding his ticket out of McKinley, out of Lima, out of Ohio, being held in the arms of the father he’d finally reconnected with after his mother’s death, in the choir room of the glee club that was taking him to Nationals this year.

How had everything changed so fast? He has, too – he’s older, stronger, he was growing into his looks, he knew, and he isn’t alone anymore. He has his dad, his brother, his friends –

“I have to tell Blaine,” Kurt says, pulling away from his dad’s arms.

 _Blaine._ Blaine, the cherry on top of everything Kurt had. He was perfect, and everything was falling so easily into place. He’s going to his dream school. He’s going to win at Nationals with all of his friends and the love of his life.

And then, before he knows it, he and Blaine will be together in New York – Blaine’s just as talented as he is, and has a bit more universal appeal as a performer – and they’ll get married (legally!) and grow old together in the city of their dreams.

He’s known that was his future, but for the first time he really sees it ahead of him, falling into place, not just a distant daydream on his rougher days.

* * *

_July 2013_

So what if he didn’t get into the school of his dreams?

It doesn’t mean his dreams are _dead_ , just different. And anyway, NYADA was just a smaller part of a bigger picture. He’s still in his favourite city in the whole world, with the absolute love of his life.

Or – at least – he’s in New York, with Kurt.

“I really don’t want to sound like I’m not happy for him,” he says one night to Sam, sitting next to each other on the couch, their feet up on the coffee table in front of them, eyes focused on the TV and the video game they’re playing.

Sam makes a kind of thoughtful grunt, letting Blaine know that at least he’s listening, but still focused on the game.

“He just has a lot on his plate right now, what with everything at Vogue.com and doing the summer show at NYADA,” Blaine continues. “I’m not jealous or anything, I’m so proud of everything that he’s done, it just seems like he never has time for me anymore.”

Sam, ever the perfect friend, just pauses the game, setting his controller down on the coffee table and turning toward Blaine, letting him continue uninterrupted.

“And I’m grateful, I feel so lucky to be part of all his success, and he amazes me every day,” Blaine says, letting his head fall back against the couch cushion and staring at the ceiling, “and NYU will still be good, even if it isn’t NYADA, and I still get to be close to that world, through Kurt. And, I mean – I had my moment in the spotlight, right? I got all the attention at Dalton when I was part of The Warblers, and we both know I had way more than my fair share of solos in New Directions last year.”

Sam looks at him thoughtfully.

“Kurt supported me then,” Blaine thinks, “and now it’s my turn to support him. I can do at least that for him, right? Even if he’s busy all summer while I’m here, usually alone in the apartment because school hasn’t started yet and Rachel’s never home – he’s my _fiance_. I couldn’t be happier for him. Really.”

* * *

_December 2012_

“I’m not the only one whose dreams are going to come true here, you know,” Kurt says, holding Blaine’s hands close and warm over the picnic table.

Blaine lets out a little sigh, and he looks down, breaking his eye contact with Kurt.

“You need to let yourself dream a little bigger!” Kurt says, and he stands up, pulling Blaine with him. “We can finish our hot chocolate later. Come on, let’s keep skating.”

`

Blaine smiles at him then, keeping their hands clasped tightly together as they walk – awkwardly with their skates on – the few metres back to the ice rink.

They skate together, Kurt’s arm wrapped around Blaine’s back, slowly around the perimeter of the rink.

“All of my dreams are coming true here,” Kurt says wistfully, gazing up toward the sky and admiring how the treeline blended into the background of skyscrapers, and beyond that, the beautiful sky, dotted with stars. “And yours will too.”

They skate around, a few more laps – it’s a beautiful night, not too cold – still pressed together.

“You’re incredible, Blaine, and I’m so excited for New York to meet you, for everyone else to see what a star you are. You’re going to take this place by storm, just wait! Audition for NYADA, Blaine, and Tisch, and wherever else you want.” He laughs a little, squeezing Blaine’s side, pulling him closer. “You’ll see! It’ll be just like at McKinley. Sure, I was there first, and I really loved being in New Directions, but then _you_ came, and despite me being there longer, everyone knew how incredible you were right away.”

He hears Blaine laugh a little, too, and Kurt beams.

“Well, maybe not Finn,” Kurt concedes, “but I mean it! You think NYADA and Vogue.com are a lot? Because if that’s what Kurt Hummel can do, I can’t wait to see what Blaine Anderson is going to accomplish in the greatest city in the world.”

Blaine grins at him then, pulling away from Kurt but keeping their hands held tightly together. He skates in front of Kurt, pulling him along, his laughter ringing through the air and mixing with Kurt’s as Kurt desperately tries not to lose his balance. Then he tugs on Kurt’s arm, tight, and twists Kurt’s arm up until he spins on the ice, graceful, and falls into Blaine’s arms.

Blaine doesn’t need to thank him out loud. His eyes say it all.

And then Blaine’s dipping him down and kissing him, right in the middle of the ice in New York City, and nothing, nothing could ever top this.

He can’t wait for the world to fall in love with Blaine the way he already has.

* * *

_April 2013_

“New Directions is kind of a mess,” Blaine admits, laughing as he balances his laptop on his knees, sitting with his back against the headboard of his bed. “I thought Ryder and Unique were going to kill each other at Regionals.”

He feels a pang – and he thinks Kurt might feel it too, because even through the webcam, he can see the quick flash of guilt across Kurt’s face.

“I’m not upset that you missed it,” Blaine says hurriedly, not wanting Kurt to feel any worse than he already did, “and I know you’ll come to see us at Nationals! But Ohio sucks without you here, and I do wish you could be here with me… Or, better yet, I could be there with you, in New York.”

It all seems weirdly pedestrian to Blaine, suddenly, performing with his _high school glee club_ in Nowhere, Ohio while Kurt was on stage at NYADA, singing in the Spring Showcase. And unlike the Winter Showcase, which Rachel had somehow won, there was no question this time that Kurt had blown her – and everyone else – completely out of the water.

It was just some silly high school singing competition, anyway. Kurt had better things to do.

“God… I’m so glad someone filmed the Spring Showcase, I’m so sorry I had to miss it for Regionals,” Blaine continued. “But oh my god, I forgot to tell you – I was at the Lima Bean, watching the video of you performing for the one millionth time – I swear Kurt, you were so – and do you know who comes up to me?”

He barely waits for Kurt to give him a questioning look before pressing on.

“ _Sebastian_ ,” Blaine says, and he just keeps laughing. “He was trying to talk to me so I took out my headphones, then he sees what I’m watching and just makes some snide comment about how he’s a better singer than you, and I couldn’t –” He pauses to laugh again, then takes a deep breath to continue, “He just keeps talking like I’m going to leave you for him, because he sings better or something? As I’m watching your Spring Showcase set – which, again, Kurt, incredible – when The Warblers didn’t even make it to Regionals. So I just smiled and put my headphones back in, and he walked away.”

His smile dies a little bit when he sees the look on Kurt’s face.

“I’m not leaving you for Sebastian, Kurt,” Blaine says, inflecting a little more than he needed to just to emphasize what a ridiculous idea that was. “That’s the first time I’d even seen him since Sectionals, and the most we’d talked since The Warblers stole our Nationals trophy in the fall.”

This, at least, seems to placate Kurt a bit.

“I mean, things aren’t perfect here, but they’re good. I sang a duet at Regionals – well, sort of, I was more like Marley’s backup singer, but – but things are good! And everyone misses you. Especially me.” He sighs a little bit, trying to remember the last time he saw Kurt.

Mr. Schue’s almost-wedding.

Valentine’s Day.

More than two months ago.

“I just want to kiss my fiance,” Blaine says quietly. “I miss you so much, Kurt, and I love you.”

Kurt smiles back at him, a little sadly, and Blaine can hear him, loud and clear, even over the poor WiFi connection –

* * *

_January 2013_

“I love you.”

Blaine pauses, still holding Kurt’s hand, and turns toward him. It’s cold and dark, and Battery Park is open enough that the wind cuts through them, but their hands are warm clasped together.

“I love you too,” Blaine says.

“You sounded incredible tonight,” Kurt says, pulling on Blaine’s hand as they continue along the pathway. The park is empty around them, the snow sparkling under the glow from the streetlamps.

_This is a song that I sang the first time I ever met the love of my life._

Blaine flushes a little, looking down at the ground. “I really missed you.”

“Are you going to tell me why you’re here?”

Blaine pauses again, frowning a little at Kurt.

“Blaine,” Kurt starts, his tone a little worried, “I wasn’t expecting you for another two weeks. You just showed up out of nowhere, and I don’t – I just want to understand why.”

“I felt like I was going crazy,” Blaine says. “I know I was here for Christmas and that wasn’t even that long ago, but it’s so hard to be so far away from the person I love. I couldn’t wait anymore. I love you so much Kurt, I–”

Kurt cuts him off with a kiss, and when they pull apart, Blaine is blushing again.

They continue down the lit path until they come to the fountain at the centre of the park.

“Kurt,” Blaine says gently, pulling him by their still-clasped hands toward the edge of the fountain, guiding Kurt to sit down at the edge.

“Yes, Blaine?” Kurt asks, his showy smile masking his nerves at Blaine’s behaviour.

Blaine sits next to him, pulling both of Kurt’s hands into his lap.

“I need you to know – to really _know_ – just how much I love you, how devoted I am to you,” Blaine says. “It’s January, which means you’ve been in New York for five months already. Another five months and I’ll be here with you. We’ve come this far together, and I’m not worried, not the slightest bit, about the next five months.”

“I’m not either,” Kurt says, beaming.

“I want to be with you all the time, Kurt,” Blaine continues. “I’m going to love you forever. For the next ten minutes, the next five months, the next fifty years. You’ll always be the love of my life.”

Blaine slides down from the edge of the fountain, one knee on the cold ground, both of his hands still holding both of Kurt’s.

“Blaine–”

“Please, just listen,” Blaine implores. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I love you so much, and I’m the luckiest guy in the world for getting to see you grow and change into this amazing, amazing person. So if you’ll agree to love me for as long as I’ll love you, I know we can do this.”

“Blaine,” Kurt says again, “Blaine, are you–”

“So, Kurt Hummel,” Blaine continues on, a huge grin spread across his face as he moves one of his hands away from Kurt’s, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a tiny, black box, “my amazing friend, and my one true love – will you marry me?”

Kurt lets out a surprised noise that’s almost a shriek, before throwing himself at Blaine. It’s all Blaine can do not to fall back onto the cold brick behind him, but he catches Kurt, holding him close and laughing as Kurt cries, nodding furiously in his arms.

“Yes, yes,” Kurt makes out eventually. “Yes, yes I will marry you.”

Blaine pulls back just enough, grabbing Kurt’s hand to slip on the ring, but Kurt just puts his hands on either side of Blaine’s face and pulls him back close, kissing him deeply.

By the time they part, their faces are both tear-stained, and they’re both shaking from a mixture of the cold and the adrenaline.

With shaking fingers, Blaine finally slides the ring onto Kurt’s finger, and they both get to their feet.

Kurt pulls him in tightly again, pressing his face into Blaine’s neck. “We’re getting married,” he says quietly.

“Yes, we are,” Blaine says a little, laughing.

“You’re in high school,” Kurt says, pulling away a little, his grin belying his admonishing tone. “You’re insane, you know that?”

“I’m in love,” Blaine corrects.

Kurt just pulls him in again, like he can’t possibly ever get enough of having Blaine pressed against him.

“Me too.”

* * *

_March 2013_

“I need you to listen to me and not make me feel like a horrible person,” Kurt says, flopping down in an armchair.

Elliott gives him a pained smile from the couch on the other side of the coffee table.

“He’s hundreds of miles away and I just still feel like I’m suffocating, like I need space,” Kurt says, smoothing his hands over his face in an attempt to calm himself down. “And I’ve been busy at NYADA and busy at Vogue – not to mention all the stuff with Pamela Lansbury – and I wish I could make time for him. Even if it’s just a Skype call more often.”

Another smile from Elliott, which looks patient and understanding. There’s something to be said for friends who listen.

“And of course every time I blow off a Skype date he gets this tone like I’m doing it on purpose,” he continues, “which I – kind of am, I think. I don’t know why, I don’t know why I have this knee-jerk reaction to things where the last thing I want to do is have nothing to do but talk to Blaine. But as soon as something comes up – if Isabelle needs me to work a few more hours, if we can get a gig last minute, if there’s an opportunity for a little bit of extra practice at NYADA – I just jump and say yes before really thinking.”

Kurt’s too wrapped up in his own head to really listen to anything Elliott is saying, and he’s pretty sure he’s just rehashing the same old tired party lines. He’s heard it enough – how him and Blaine are too young, too naive, too far apart to make it work.

Kurt just shakes his head, interrupting Elliott and trying – only partially successfully – to interrupt his own thoughts. “It’s okay,” Kurt sighs. “I love him, I really, really do love him. I just need to work a little bit harder at making sure I’m making time for him. I know it’s not going to be easy, but it’ll be worth it.”

He leaves the conversation there, wanting to put his troubles from his mind for a little bit, nodding to the guitar propped up next to Elliott on the couch. “Can we run through that number again? I still don’t have it quite right.”

A few hours later, while Kurt is on the subway back to his apartment, he receives a text from Blaine asking if it’s a good time to call.

 _Sorry, band practice is running late,_ he types, before he can think about it.

* * *

_September 2012_

It’s only September, the start of Blaine’s senior year at McKinley and Kurt’s freshman year at NYADA, but it already feels like the gap between them is insurmountably huge.

McKinley is different without Kurt. All through last year he had Kurt to support him, Kurt who encouraged him to read for Tony in _West Side Story_ , who pushed him to do more and more solos.

“Hi, I’m Blaine, and I’d like to audition for Danny,” Blaine says, steady and sure, to the table at the centre of the auditorium.

But Kurt is gone now, and Blaine isn’t even all the way through his audition for _Grease_ when he knows he doesn’t have the part. Artie isn’t making eye contact with him, and Ms. Pillsbury’s smile looks forced as she crinkles the edge of the piece of paper in front of her.

It’s just one show, though. There’s a lot more he can put on his NYADA application besides _Grease_ – he’s running for student council president, he’s running to lead a few other school clubs, he’s even thinking about trying out for the Cheerios.

Still, a voice in the back of his head – and oh, he really needs to talk to Kurt, Kurt always helps him feel better when he’s like this – is telling him that there are thousands of other NYADA applicants each year with resumes just like his. There’s nothing remarkable about getting the lead in a school musical once, or even student council president.

He’s sure Artie would have cut him off if they weren’t friends, but he lets Blaine finish his song.

“Thank you,” he tries, bowing his head slightly before hurrying off stage.

* * *

_June 2013_

Kurt stands in front of his computer, holding a dress shirt in front of himself for a few seconds before switching it out with the shirt in his other hand. “Which one do you like more?”

He alternates between them a few more times, watching himself in the webcam more than he’s watching his fiance respond. He’s not even really sure what Blaine said, but he turns, throwing one of the dress shirts on his bed before hanging the other one up.

Blaine chats with him as Kurt gets ready, carefully tucking in his shirt, fixing his hair one last time, and gently buffing away the dust on his shoes.

Thank God for Blaine. Kurt needs him on days like this, days when he’s expected to be at Vogue for a mixer and is almost vibrating with nerves. The unconditional support means the world to him.

“Oh – oh no, it’s already – I have to run, Blaine,” Kurt says, interrupting whatever Blaine was talking about (and maybe he should feel guilty for not paying attention, but this is Kurt’s night, and Blaine understands that, right?).

Blaine sighs annoyedly, and Kurt, who had just stood up from his desk, sits back down and fixes him with the best glare he can over the poor Skype connection. “I’m sorry, Blaine, but if I don’t leave now I’ll be late.”

He hasn’t even finished saying it before the call disconnects, and Kurt feels himself actually scowl before he clicks the Video Call button again.

Blaine accepts the call right away, but doesn’t say anything.

“What?” Kurt asks, and he knows the way his voice is absolutely dripping with exasperation will likely just escalate a fight, but he can’t help it at this point.

Especially because that one word seemed to be all it took to set Blaine off. He’s just yelling and rambling about how sick he is of staying in Ohio, sitting patiently by the computer to tell Kurt he looks good before events like this, how he feels so left behind. How when Kurt first moved to New York he’d stay home, sometimes, to watch a movie with Blaine or even just talk, but –

“Blaine, this is my _job_ ,” Kurt says, “they’re throwing a party, partly to thank the interns for their work this year and I am not going to blow that off to sit at home and watch some shitty comic book movie with you for the fifteenth time.”

He knows he should stop.

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” He continued instead. “So you didn’t get a decent or, really, even halfway-important part in _Grease,_ who cares? Get over it, it’s not like you’ll never have another audition again. Stop making me feel guilty for being successful. Stop blaming me for your own failure and just _be happy for me_!”

The look on Blaine's face is enough to let Kurt know that he’s crossed a line. Heartbreak looks etched into every low-resolution inch of Blaine’s face.

“Blaine, _Blaine_ ,” Kurt pleads, hoping he doesn’t end the call again. “I’m sorry. You’ll be here soon, you’ll be in New York and it’s going to be good. You’re so talented, Blaine, you know that. I believe in you, you’re going to be so great. And soon it’ll be me helping you pick out outfits for auditions and for cast parties, just wait.”

This seems to placate Blaine, at least for the moment.

“But I really – I do need to go right now, Blaine, I’m already going to be late.”

And just like that, the frustration and annoyance is back, clear as day on Blaine’s face and in his voice as he says a hurried goodbye before ending the call.

Kurt feels bad, but he knows he was right.

He shouldn’t have to feel guilty about being successful.

* * *

_October 2011_

“I feel on top of the world,” Blaine says, and he feels like he wants to burst from how completely and sincerely he feels that.

Cooper chuckles through the phone and Blaine blushes a little, knows he’s being silly, but he doesn’t care.

“I’m serious, Cooper! I’ve never been so happy. I mean, things are hard sometimes – there’s this one guy in Glee club who seems to argue with me just for the sake of arguing – but I’m so happy. I feel like I’m finally doing everything I’m supposed to.”

Cooper asks him what the difference even really is between doing glee at Dalton and McKinley, since isn’t it still just singing songs nobody cares about with a dozen other nerds?

“It’s so much different,” Blaine says, unable to keep the excitement from his voice. “It’s so much more, did you know New Directions went to Nationals last year? And The Warblers are good, but I can be so much more than that, you know? More than the same rigidly formulaic acapella songs – yes I _know_ a lot of them were my choices, but _listen_ – I know that public school shouldn’t feel like a step up but it does.”

Later that night, long after he’d hung up the phone after his call with Cooper, Blaine thinks about that.

He had seen his life going a certain way when he was at Dalton.

He loved performing, but he knew it wasn’t a viable career option. He didn’t know a single Warbler that did. They all seemed to know that performing was just a hobby, just something to add a little excitement to their day, but never a _career_.

Hell, even Blaine, when he pictured himself ten or fifteen years in the future, imagined a pediatrician or – or maybe a music _teacher_ , if he really wanted to let himself dream.

But now he knows he’s meant for more than that. He can perform. He can do better than some boring day job he doesn’t really care about and getting drunk twice a year with his coworkers and doing karaoke. He’s better than that.

And Kurt, thank god for Kurt, this perfect boy he’s in love with who showed him that.

And it’s risky, it’s going to _be_ risky, leaving Ohio – something he’d never even considered – to go to New York and pursue a career on Broadway, but now that he’s thought about it he isn’t sure how he ever considered anything else.

He falls asleep that night with a huge smile on his face, picturing him and Kurt as adults, in New York, all of their dreams coming true.

* * *

_September 2013_

“I don’t love him anymore.”

Elliott looks at Kurt sympathetically, then resumes busying himself around his small apartment, tidying up.

“He’s just so angry with me all the time and I can’t keep doing it. I need some space to be me, and every time I think I find something that I can have for myself he just – he’s just _there_ ,” Kurt continues.

Elliott doesn’t respond. Kurt doubts he’s even listening. It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation.

“And then I come over here and he thinks we’re sleeping together. He doesn’t say anything, but he does, and I know he does and I keep coming over,” Kurt admits, staring at where his hands are resting on his knees. “I keep hoping one day he’ll say he’s had enough, he can’t stay with a cheater, and leave me.”

And Kurt knows, too, that Elliott knows all of this and that he’s out of relationship advice. He’d told Kurt ages ago that getting engaged so young was a mistake, that moving in together after living states apart for a year was a mistake, and really, Kurt should have listened.

“I keep waiting for it to get better, you know? For him to get better,” Kurt continues. Regardless of whether or not Elliott’s actually listening, all of it still boils up inside Kurt and screams to be let out. It’s safer to do that here than anywhere with Blaine. “Nothing’s ever enough with him, he doesn’t trust that I love him and so he goes and forces himself into every little area of my life, just to prove to himself I want him around but I don’t anymore.”

And Elliott says the words, tells him to do the same thing the small voice in the back of Kurt’s head has been telling him to do for months –

“I can’t just call off the engagement,” Kurt says, “it’s not just like we’re dating, we’re engaged. And he’s my first love, and he’s so fragile right now.”

Elliott sits down across from Kurt, fixes him with a pointed stare and tells him, slowly, as though he needs to ensure Kurt hears every word, that the relationship isn’t going to fix itself. That things are broken, they’ve been broken for a long time, and Kurt isn’t helping anyone by staying in a relationship that’s making him miserable and taking on commitment after commitment just to have an excuse to blow off Blaine.

It’s the kind thing to do, for both of them.

* * *

_March 2011 / March 2014_

Encouraging Kurt to go back to McKinley is the kind thing to do. It’s the right thing to do. Some part of him knows he’s supposed to feel sad – and he _does_ – but more than that he’s excited.

Kurt was hiding at Dalton. He doesn’t need to hide anymore, and Blaine is thrilled he can go back where he belongs.

It isn’t an end. It’s a beginning. It’s the beginning of their relationship, the beginning of Kurt’s newfound confidence at McKinley and the support of all of his friends. It looks like goodbye, but feels like hello.

And even if Blaine didn’t feel like Kurt deserved a proper send-off from him and the Warblers, he doubt he could have kept it to himself anyway. Frankly, he’s shocked that the occasion hasn’t resulted in _multiple_ serenades in the McKinley courtyard.

Every cell in his body is screaming with love for this boy, this wonderful man he never really got to know before he transferred to Dalton. And now he gets to meet that Kurt, again, and really get to know him.

With the Warblers behind him, he tells everyone in the courtyard how much Kurt means to him, and pours his heart into the song.

–

Rain is beating against the windows by the time Blaine makes it to the cafe. He’s absolutely dripping wet, but Kurt knows that the cold is only part of the reason he’s shaking. His entire face lights up when he sees Kurt, and he’s talking wedding plans before he even sits down, rapidfire details Kurt can’t even keep straight.

When he finally gets settled in his chair, Kurt sees Blaine eye the ring in the centre of the table.

He stops cold and looks up at Kurt.

Kurt has a speech prepared. He wrote it down, weeks ago. He has it all planned out, exactly what to say to smooth it over, but one look into Blaine’s eyes and he forgets everything.

“I’m so sorry,” he says instead.

–

“I’m so happy for you,” Blaine says, his arms tight around Kurt when the song ends. He knows everyone is there – all of the Warblers, a few other of Blaine’s friends from Dalton, the New Directions, various McKinley students – and he doesn’t care. “I know you wanted to do this. This is going to be so great for you, and I never want anything more than for you to be happy.”

–

“I’m not happy anymore,” Kurt chokes out, finally. “You aren’t either, Blaine. We both deserve better than a relationship that isn’t working. I just–”

Kurt’s hands clench on top of the table, and he sees Blaine recoil. It doesn’t do anything to calm Kurt’s anger. “I can’t keep having you inject yourself into every area of my life. I can’t do this! You don’t trust that I love you and I can’t keep convincing you that I do when I can’t even convince myself anymore.”

–

Blaine knows he’s rambling, his arms still tight around Kurt but he can’t help it, he can’t stop himself from telling Kurt exactly how much he means to him. He knows it’s cheesy, they’re in public, knows he’s probably coming on too strong – they haven’t been together more than a few weeks, after all – but he doesn’t care.

–

“This has been a long time coming, Blaine,” Kurt continues. “We tried and we did our best, but it didn’t work. That’s not on either of us, it just doesn’t work out sometimes. I really did love you.”

He pauses. He could continue, and knows he will if he doesn’t stop himself to give Blaine the chance to talk.

Kurt takes a deep breath and waits for Blaine to say something.

–

“I meant every word I sang,” Blaine says, “every word I ever sang to you, and even if I have to do it over the phone for the next little while I’m going to keep telling you, keep singing until you know just how special you are.”

Kurt squeezes back, then pulls apart just enough to set his hands on Blaine’s shoulders.

And Kurt opens his mouth and it’s like Blaine’s hearing him for the first time, his voice quiet but thick with emotion –

–

Blaine stands up from the coffeeshop table, slinging his bag over his shoulder before turning back to Kurt –

–

“I am never saying goodbye to you.”

–

“I am never going to forgive you for this.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a weirdly big and emotional project for me, and I'm proud of how it turned out.
> 
> If you have a few minutes to spare I'd _really_ love some constructive criticism, I guess. What worked? What didn't work? What parts hit you hardest? Did anything just kind of make you roll your eyes instead?
> 
> I appreciate everything you have to say so much, guys, and thank you for reading!


End file.
